Ebb and Flow

Hey guys. Welp, I’m struggling – I’m wrestling my ED behaviors and ANXIETY as of late, and I’m not quite sure what caused all of these old issues to flare up again …. my life feels like Spring Has Sprung and thus it’s time to become a general catastrophe in the mood department.

My life is literally ebbing and flowing – I flow at work, and then I ebb everywhere else. Perhaps I’m a bit manic? If so, it’s an agitated mania (not the “fun” kind), and it’s miserable. I plan on calling my psychiatrist’s office tomorrow and will attempt to explain what’s happening … but it’s so difficult to put what’s going on into words. My hydroxyzine seems to not be working very well anymore either, so my nervous energy is HIGH HIGH HIGH.

Food-wise, I’ve been eating less. Much less. And when I do eat, I have the extreme urge to vomit … it’s easier to just not eat right now. Today, for instance, all I’ve wanted has been coffee with Silk coconut milk. I’ve stopped bringing elaborate meals to work and have been sticking to one solitary piece of fruit to keep me sustained for my eight hour shifts.

Ugh, y’all. Ugh. It’s not something I’m very proud of.

Looking at Free People and Anthro’s pretties is a soothing pastime … here are a few choices from FP ~

The Emery Flatform

FP One Adella Slip

Thunderbird Oxford in Snake


I own two pairs of the Thunderbird Oxford, and I’m tempted to grab the snake pattern because they are COMFORTABLE shoes AND because they’re well made! (The Emery Flatform is tempting too because, well, it’s unique, but I’ve had trouble with the quality of  Jeffery Campbell shoes … ugh! decisions decisions!)

About Town Harem Pant

Amethyst Bralette

I have a $135 dollar return into Free People, so one or two of these goodies *may* find a way home with me!

Here’s hoping that I keep my shit together, you guys Here’s hoping. I’ll keep you updated.

~ Mandy


Cardio Bunny

Howdy my friends! How are y’all doing? I’ve been busy with work, as is my new usual, but I had today off, which was lovely. Here we go with my eats and workout  ~

Breakfast – a pink lady apple with Tajin.

Lunch – Torchy’s Tacos! (Not healthy at all but damn good, and a treat on my day off!) We shared a Hillbilly Queso and each enjoyed two Trailer Park Tacos, Trashy!

Workout – I took an unexpected nap, which was probably due to starting to take my Hydroxzyine in the evening, a regimen which I started just yesterday. A bit grumpy, I drove to Pak to see Luke in my workout clothes, and he encouraged me to just get my ass to the gym … so I did! I did 1 hour on the elliptical and burned about 500 kcal or so (if you listen to the machine … I’m not sure I buy that I lose that many calories, but hey, the number makes me feel good).

I’m down about 5 lbs from my recent high weight, and I’m so thrilled!

Y’all. It’s AMAZING to do cardio without struggling with anorexia and bulimia …I felt just fantastic and embraced being a Cardio Bunny! I plan to do cardio on days when Luke and I can’t work out together – when we can, I’ll do weights with him. C, and cardio will help lean me out!

Dinner – a cucumber with Spike and some light dressing as an appetizer …. I roasted some broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, and Brussels sprouts and drizzled them with light dressing. ed

Alrighty, I’m off to get some rest as I open the store tomorrow! Here’s looking forward to some spring weather this week!

~ Mandy

A Reflection on My Epic Journey

Hey everyone and Happy Sunday (and Happy Spring Break)! Anyone out there besides me who’s enjoying the time change? No? Ha!

Obviously I had the weekend off because I’m posting frequently … my goal, however, is to post on the regular despite my job. I’m on the up and up from struggling with two eating disorders for nearly 20 years, a journey where I’ve had to retrain myself to eat, had to gain a little weight, etc in order to learn balance, and NOW the time is ripe for me to lose some chub and get muscular again. I’d like to document my journey on here, as it has been an EPIC journey so far, and I’m still hiking the winding path, only this part of the path is full of light, stability, and positivity. 🙂

Alrighty, here’s how my day went!

I merrily slept through breakfast this morning, but I made up for it over the course of the day.

Lunch – two eggs with salsa, broccoli, tomatoes, and yellow bell pepper with hummus and a bit of ranch. Coffee with almond milk (I’m switching from soy to almond b/c calories).

Afternoon Meal – an orange with Tajin and a Boar’s Head turkey wrap with dressing.

Persephone wanted some attention after I ate my meal, so I picked her up and cuddled …

And when Luke came home from seeing a friend, Caprica immediately climbed onto his chest and started rubbing his nose with her own, as she always does … she’s definitely Luke’s cat!

… and not to be left out, Calliope came rubbing on feet, so I picked her up – she wasn’t too thrilled, as you can tell, and I’m making a goofy face LMAO.

Luke and I hit the gym for an hour and did biceps and triceps.

At the gym, I complained about my ancient headset – I can’t wear earbuds very well with my Tragus piercing – and Luke surprised me by ordering this cordless rose gold headset …. I feel so spoiled!


Calliope decided to perch on the scratching post, and I caught her mid-jump and wide-eyed.


Dinner #1 – veg (red onion, carrots, broccoli, tomatoes, and orange bell pepper ) with 2 tbsp of hummus and about 2 tbsp of dressing.

Dinner #2 – a filet with bleu cheese, spinach, tomatoes, and dressing. My favorite bite of the day was the steak.

Here’s to a happier, healthier tomorrow, my friends!

~ Mandy