Lifting + Thriving

Hey guys! Last time I left you with a post about struggling with depression and mania – I talked to my doctor, and his nurse practitioner put me on lithium, but lithium didn’t seem to do much after a few weeks, so I’m off it. However, I think I’m on an upswing thanks to several factors.

Factor 1 – I’m lifting weights DAILY. And not pansy soccer mom weights to get toned – I’m lifting to get RIPPED.

Factor 2 – My job and my co-workers. My bosses totally understand that I have bipolar disorder, and they’re both very accommodating to me. No, I don’t get paid very much for my job, but damn if it’s not worth keeping right now because of my kind bosses and my sweet coworkers.

Factor 3 – The food situation. Luke’s giving me about $20 a day to buy my meals – I usually eat a piece of fruit or have a protein shake for breakfast, so I get 2 meals out of $20 …. it’s pretty nice! I’m focusing on eating less carbs (farewell, Auntie Annie’s pretzels at the mall 😦 ), and more protein.

Factor 4 – Acceptance of my body. Y’all. This is HUGE. I’ve accepted that I’m not meant to weigh 125 lbs again. I’ve accepted that my body is meant to be powerful. I currently weigh 155 lbs, and I’m OKAY WITH IT. In fact, I’d like to weigh around 165 with muscle. It’s AMAZING to have finally had a change of perspective after 20 years, and I truly hope it sticks (knock on wood).

Factor 5 – My support system. I don’t know where I’d be without my family and friends, particularly my Luke. He’s encouraging and comforting, but he’s also pushing me out of my comfort zone when it comes to weightlifting, and it’s wonderful – we all need a little push every now and then if you ask me.

Today was back day with weights – I’ve been doing weights consistently each day for about a week and a half now. We do reps in the order of 20-15-12-10-15, and it really does work me out!

Eats today ~

I hopped in the car bright and early to grab some Hydroxzyine from my pharmacy downtown (sans makeup and with wet hair because I needz mah pillz), and I grabbed a cold Starbucks coffee on the way home.

Torchy’s Tacos (a Baja Shrimp taco and a Trailer Park taco, trashy). We skipped the queso today, and I was happily full, not overly stuffed.

And a chicken salad made from a bagged salad and some chicken tenders a la United.

I also demolished a potato but didn’t document it – ugh, I was too full afterwards! That’s one of the many “post-ED issues” that I’m dealing with right now – being too full, overeating at times, and pooping often (yes, ED people often don’t poop).

And naturally I’ve been looking at some new workout clothing – Free People’s active wear is golden, so here are the workout clothes that I WaUnt ~

Give Your All Harem Pant in Tiger’s Eyes

Happiness Runs Bodysuit in Black or Vintage Alpine Lake

On the Road Pant in Heather Grey

About Town Harem Pant in Taupe

I’m going to give myself a lot more time working out and seeing how my body develops before buying any clothes – but these are fun to look at, and I do have a FP refund coming soon … maybe I’ll snag one or two pieces. πŸ™‚

I’ll try to keep up with my blogging a bit more readily, so I’ll try another post tomorrow.

Β ~ Mandy

Ebb and Flow

Hey guys. Welp, I’m struggling – I’m wrestling my ED behaviors and ANXIETY as of late, and I’m not quite sure what caused all of these old issues to flare up again …. my life feels like Spring Has Sprung and thus it’s time to become a general catastrophe in the mood department.

My life is literally ebbing and flowing – I flow at work, and then I ebb everywhere else. Perhaps I’m a bit manic? If so, it’s an agitated mania (not the “fun” kind), and it’s miserable. I plan on calling my psychiatrist’s office tomorrow and will attempt to explain what’s happening … but it’s so difficult to put what’s going on into words. My hydroxyzine seems to not be working very well anymore either, so my nervous energy is HIGH HIGH HIGH.

Food-wise, I’ve been eating less. Much less. And when I do eat, I have the extreme urge to vomit … it’s easier to just not eat right now. Today, for instance, all I’ve wanted has been coffee with Silk coconut milk. I’ve stopped bringing elaborate meals to work and have been sticking to one solitary piece of fruit to keep me sustained for my eight hour shifts.

Ugh, y’all. Ugh. It’s not something I’m very proud of.

Looking at Free People and Anthro’s pretties is a soothing pastime … here are a few choices from FP ~

The Emery Flatform

FP One Adella Slip

Thunderbird Oxford in Snake

 

I own two pairs of the Thunderbird Oxford, and I’m tempted to grab the snake pattern because they are COMFORTABLE shoes AND because they’re well made! (The Emery Flatform is tempting too because, well, it’s unique, but I’ve had trouble with the quality ofΒ  Jeffery Campbell shoes … ugh! decisions decisions!)

About Town Harem Pant

Amethyst Bralette

I have a $135 dollar return into Free People, so one or two of these goodies *may* find a way home with me!

Here’s hoping that I keep my shit together, you guys Here’s hoping. I’ll keep you updated.

~ Mandy

 

Cardio Bunny

Howdy my friends! How are y’all doing? I’ve been busy with work, as is my new usual, but I had today off, which was lovely. Here we go with my eats and workoutΒ  ~

Breakfast – a pink lady apple with Tajin.

Lunch – Torchy’s Tacos! (Not healthy at all but damn good, and a treat on my day off!) We shared a Hillbilly Queso and each enjoyed two Trailer Park Tacos, Trashy!

Workout – I took an unexpected nap, which was probably due to starting to take my Hydroxzyine in the evening, a regimen which I started just yesterday. A bit grumpy, I drove to Pak to see Luke in my workout clothes, and he encouraged me to just get my ass to the gym … so I did! I did 1 hour on the elliptical and burned about 500 kcal or so (if you listen to the machine … I’m not sure I buy that I lose that many calories, but hey, the number makes me feel good).

I’m down about 5 lbs from my recent high weight, and I’m so thrilled!

Y’all. It’s AMAZING to do cardio without struggling with anorexia and bulimia …I felt just fantastic and embraced being a Cardio Bunny! I plan to do cardio on days when Luke and I can’t work out together – when we can, I’ll do weights with him. C, and cardio will help lean me out!

Dinner – a cucumber with Spike and some light dressing as an appetizer …. I roasted some broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, and Brussels sprouts and drizzled them with light dressing. ed

Alrighty, I’m off to get some rest as I open the store tomorrow! Here’s looking forward to some spring weather this week!

~ Mandy

A Reflection on My Epic Journey

Hey everyone and Happy Sunday (and Happy Spring Break)! Anyone out there besides me who’s enjoying the time change? No? Ha!

Obviously I had the weekend off because I’m posting frequently … my goal, however, is to post on the regular despite my job. I’m on the up and up from struggling with two eating disorders for nearly 20 years, a journey where I’ve had to retrain myself to eat, had to gain a little weight, etc in order to learn balance, and NOW the time is ripe for me to lose some chub and get muscular again. I’d like to document my journey on here, as it has been an EPIC journey so far, and I’m still hiking the winding path, only this part of the path is full of light, stability, and positivity. πŸ™‚

Alrighty, here’s how my day went!

I merrily slept through breakfast this morning, but I made up for it over the course of the day.

Lunch – two eggs with salsa, broccoli, tomatoes, and yellow bell pepper with hummus and a bit of ranch. Coffee with almond milk (I’m switching from soy to almond b/c calories).

Afternoon Meal – an orange with Tajin and a Boar’s Head turkey wrap with dressing.

Persephone wanted some attention after I ate my meal, so I picked her up and cuddled …

And when Luke came home from seeing a friend, Caprica immediately climbed onto his chest and started rubbing his nose with her own, as she always does … she’s definitely Luke’s cat!

… and not to be left out, Calliope came rubbing on feet, so I picked her up – she wasn’t too thrilled, as you can tell, and I’m making a goofy face LMAO.

Luke and I hit the gym for an hour and did biceps and triceps.

At the gym, I complained about my ancient headset – I can’t wear earbuds very well with my Tragus piercing – and Luke surprised me by ordering this cordless rose gold headset …. I feel so spoiled!

 

Calliope decided to perch on the scratching post, and I caught her mid-jump and wide-eyed.

 

Dinner #1 – veg (red onion, carrots, broccoli, tomatoes, and orange bell pepper ) with 2 tbsp of hummus and about 2 tbsp of dressing.

Dinner #2 – a filet with bleu cheese, spinach, tomatoes, and dressing. My favorite bite of the day was the steak.

Here’s to a happier, healthier tomorrow, my friends!

~ Mandy